Five Bob, Packet of Fags
[25 pence, 10x Park Drive Cigarettes]

[Dream target date 1976]

Harry was employed as an odd job man by local supermarket owner Mr Lenton. His polite manner and obedience made him an ideal candidate for the job. He was a bit simple and suffered from a permanent spasm which caused his head to roll slowly from side to side. This hypnotic movement was accentuated by the presence of a trilby hat. The hat was a permanent fixture and we believed he must have been born wearing it.

Harry always greeted people with a consistent 'Howdo' that was almost half-sung and sounded oriental rather than English. If you asked whether he was OK, his reply would rise in pitch as a lengthy 'Ahhhh' sound.

Grandma Fillingham used to say that he was a 'softcock' which was her word meaning simpleton. To his credit though, Harry did find his niche in the village and acquired his own bucket and chamois leather so that he could clean windows and cars.

He'd spend hours polishing Mr Lenton's posh car which was parked in front of the shop. The shop front was a magnet for elder boys, puffing away on Park Drive cigarettes after school. Harry would be polishing away and they'd try and engage him in conversation.

Youth: 'Y'all rate then Harry'

Harry: 'Ahhhh'

Youth: 'Bit cold innt it?'

Harry: 'Ahhhh'

Youth: 'Is that a new bucket Harry?'

Harry: 'Ahhhh'

And then the punchline…

Youth: 'How much does Mr Lenton give you for washing his car then Harry?'

Harry: 'Five-bahhhhhhb, packet-a-fags'

Laughter.

Youth: 'You should ask him for a pay rise Harry'

Harry: 'Ahhhh'

All the time Harry's head would be going from side to side and he'd have that fixed grin on his waxen face. He was like some futuristic car-washing robot: You pushed the right buttons and out came the 'five-bob, packet of fags' line every time.