Deputy Head
Monster
[Dream
target date - June 1975]
Far
more threatening than any Headmaster, the Deputy-Head, at
Joseph Whitaker Comprehensive School would accept nothing
less than total subordination from pupils. In fact, Mr Moore's
violent outbursts as we filed into morning assembly would
typically end with a selection of pupils being marched away
to be beaten.
From the
third-year onwards, I had produced lots of cruel caricatures
in my school-books and thought it only a matter of time before
they were discovered and then I would find myself on the receiving
end of the Deputy Headr's cane. The drawings usually exploited
Mr Moore's odd complexion, which had a sickly greenish hue.
Even the whites of his eyes were green. It didn't take us long
to deduce that he looked remarkably like one of the aliens from
the Gerry Anderson's 1970's TV series, 'UFO'.
This likeness
lead to pictures of our Deputy Head-Monster dressed in futuristic
looking garments, emerging from his spacecraft armed with highly
advanced caning technology. My
friend Malcom Percival and I would usually spend a few minutes
before the start of each lesson working on these subversive
masterpieces.
The school
timetable provided plenty of opportunity for such creative
activity. Indeed, there were times when our schooling seemed
to consist of little more than moving around from one classroom
to another. It was during one such transition that we fell
foul of Mr Moore's temper.
Fifth-form
fire-bugs
Chemistry
lessons were usually chaotic, but the fifth-formers who'd used
the lab before us had set-light to the gas taps at the back
of the class.
Our Chemistry
teacher, Mr Farr, asked us to wait outside whilst the culprits
were dealt with. He'd just finished
his sentence when Mr Moore brushed him aside like a rag-doll.
"Right!" he boomed, "who is responsible for this outrage". Mr
Farr cowered like a scolded puppy dog. He was barely out of college,
a brilliant academic, but useless at controlling the unruly kids.
The
Cane
The two teachers
disappeared into the lab as we stood whispering to each other
in the crisp, morning air. After a few minutes, guilty pupils
began to emerge one by one, clutching caned fingers. Every minute
seemed like an eternity. Stomachs quaked, knees trembled and mouths
dried up at the thought of the punishment being doled out inside.
Another fifth-former
emerged, making his way hurriedly into the main building. One
of the Dickinson twins in our group made a remark and suddenly
Mr Moore's terrifying figure was standing in the doorway. "So
you think it's funny do you?" he boomed in a chilling baritone,
mesmerising us with his bamboo cane. His voice was straight out
of another Anderson series; Captain Scarlet. 'This is the voice
of the mysterons...we know you can hear us'...
Unlike Captain
Scarlet, we were not indestructable and were about to experience
extreme pain just to remind us of the fact.
Mr Moore's
cane was smaller than I had imagined and insulated with a layer
of sticky tape. "You girls, off to see Mrs Johnson now" he bellowed.
Mr Moore watched silently as the girls filed past him, they
would be offered more leniency by the slant-faced lady!
Once the
girls were out of sight he resumed his course of action. "You
lot, line up against the wall with your hands out". My pulse-rate
doubled. I turned to Andrew Richardson on my left, he'd never
done anything wrong at school in his life, yet here we were, about
to be caned.
There was
no time for any form of defence as the sadistic bully marched
past each one of us in turn. 'Whop, whop, whop, whop, whop, whop...'
It took less than twenty seconds to cane the lot of us. "Now get
inside" he ordered as we clutched our stinging palms.
News of the
assault soon filtered through to the staff room and we found that
many teachers were appalled by Mr Moore's handling of the situation.
I interpreted this as an endorsement for more satirical drawings
and it wasn't long before a new series of UFO cartoons were circulating
among my classmates and staff alike.
Email
Copyright
- Paul Fillingham
Last update - 8 July, 2001
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